Ahhhhhh, live television.

Gotta love sticking your foot in your mouth!

Here are comments made by NBC sports commentators during the Summer Olympics that they
would like to take back:

1. Weightlifting commentator: 'This is Gregoriava from
Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up
and it was amazing.

2. Dressage commentator: 'This is really a lovely horse and
I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her
mother.

3. Paul Hamm, Gymnast: 'I owe a lot to my parents,
especially my mother and father.

4. Boxing Analyst: 'Sure there have been injuries, and even
some deaths in boxing, but none of them really that
serious.

5. Softball announcer: 'If history repeats itself, I should
think we can expect the same thing again.

6. Basketball analyst: 'He dribbles a lot and the
opposition doesn't like it. In fact you can see it all
over their faces.

7. At the rowing medal ceremony: 'Ah, isn't that nice, the
wife of the IOC president is hugging the cox of the
British crew.

8. Soccer commentator: 'Julian Dicks is everywhere.
It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field.

9. Tennis commentator: 'One of the reasons Andy is playing
so well is that, before the final round, his wife takes
out his balls and kisses them... Oh my God, what have I
just said?'

Church Wars

I'm a Halloweenie!

I love Halloween!! It's my fav-o-rite holiday! Must have sumpthing to do with my love of cheezy horror movies and fascination with serial killers and my general dark side. Not sure where I get it, but I know my youngest man-baby, The Angry Youth, has it too! I'm pretty sure he gets it from his mama.

I've pimped-out this blog-ger-ific site to all things Halloweenie!! I do want to mention that I got alot of my pimp stuff at satanspace.com, not because I worship the evil one(I'm dark, but not that dark!), but they have some really cool stuff! If you are into that kinda stuff.

Don't get the wrong idea about me, I'm very normal. I like pink and lacey, frilly things. My house isn't a Gothic tribute to Dracula. I love "happy endings", Barbie's (the doll and Katie's neighbor!), puppies, babies, and cotton candy! See.....normal.

If wishing you could dress up for Halloween as a tranny, dressed up as a cross between Dolly Parton and Pam Anderson and call yourself Dollisha Panderson is normal......then that's me! Totally normal.

Don't be skerd.



Myspace Banner Generator @ JellyMuffin.com

The Nun in Hooters

A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local
Hooters.

The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every
once in a while 'the lights would turn off.'
Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into
cheers.

However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent.
She walked up to the bartender, and asked, 'May I please use the
restroom?
The bartender replied, 'OK, but I should warn you that there is a
statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf.'
'Well, in that case, I'll just look the other way,'
said the nun.
So the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant.

After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place
stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause!
She went to the bartender and said, 'Sir, I don't understand. Why
did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?'
'Well, now they know you're one of us,' said the bartender, 'Would
you like a drink?'

'No thank you, but, I still don't understand,' said the puzzled
nun. 'You see,' laughed the bartender, 'every time someone lifts
the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out.

Now, how about that drink?'

A very, very un-birthday to me, but not HP!

Today is my darling Mr. Horsepower's birthday! I told him he was old, but he's still just a young pup! How young you ask? Well, let's just say he's closer in age to my oldest man-baby than he is to me. What can I say, I like 'em that way! Dang cradle robber! Not a cougar, that just sounds icky.

I think birthdays are bitchen!! They are "your" on special day! I mean, everyone has Christmas, (or Haunaka if the dradel fits), and Halloween and even Arbor Day, but not everyone has the same birthday. I think birthdays should be "all about you"! And you should be worshiped by your loved ones for the "gifts that you are!" Thank you cazy Paula. Who would we talk about if we didn't have you?!

So Happy Birthday my beautiful husband! You are amazing! You are a friend and father to the man-babies, you work hard for us everyday and never complain, and your kisses still make me weak in the knees! I'm so glad it's your birthday and I have a reason to sing your praises! In a word, "YOU ROCK!"

Guess that was really two.......I love you, Baby.

Bad blogger! Bad!

I'm a terrible blogger. I haven't posted much in pevious months. Guess that makes me a slacker. I admire all of you, yes you, for being dilagent in you writings. Well done you non-slackers!!

It's not that I have nothing to write about, it's that I always have something else to do! Something that seems more important that sitting down at the ole computer and telling some mundane story. Like cleaning up the dryer sheet that one of my darling nuggets just shredded into bits! Who doesn't want to hear about that tidbit of crazy, whacky fun?!

I realy have had a buzy summer. Some things I haven't even visited with you all about! Not cuz I didn't want to, but they just happend and went so quickly that I by the time I sat down to write, I had something else to say. Here is a list of things I forgot to tell you!

1.Horsepower and I judge a dance compatition for my fabulous friend Andrea! No, we know nothing about dance but we did watch "So You Think You Can Dance" on TV, so that makes us almost professionals!
2.While we were on va-kay with Momma HP our business was broken into so we had to rush home and meet with the coppers. Booooo!!!! New doors cost a mint!
3.Went to the lake on new boat many times. So many times I had to......
4.Get a chemical peel. I'm recovering as I type this. My face looks like a greasy, brown paper bag. It's just starting to peel around the nose and chin area so I will soon be looking like that guy in "An American Werewolf In London" with dangling hunks of dead flesh! Yum!

There is probably more, but it's all in the past. Like old boyfriends, fun to think about, but there is a reason why they'er gone.

I'm gonna end this with a tribute to my friend Cecilee. I just found out she was killed in a terrible plane crash. I'm so glad I got to see her not long ago and meet her beautiful daughter. She was so kind and really listened when you talked to her, and she was always the type to think before she spoke. She was peaceful and at ease, like a "flowerchild", she found good in everything. The world will be a little sadder and lonelier without her.

Life happens. More randomness.

Does anyone else love the "Soyjoy" commercial? I do! I just sorta speaks to me.

Did I mention that we have a new boat? We do!! I love it! I want to be on it everyday. Mostly, because summer is almost over and we are running out of boat time.

Bad news. Because we have a boat, more people are exposed to my jiggly fat. Good news. I starting to worry a little less about it. I said, "starting" and "a little". I'm off to do Barry's Boot Camp.

I love to watch the History Channel. Just the dark stuff. I watch "Surviving History" because those crazy Puritans were really demented and made some depraved torture devices! Who doesn't like that crap?!

Do you think Ghost Hunters will let me be one their show when they go to the "Stanley Hotel" on Halloween to do some investigating?? They don't even know that I want to, but that would be cool.

My darling HP and I were watching "Flipping Out" one day and HP said that he and Jeff Lewis had alotta the same tendencies. I agreed. I now realize I'm married to Jeff Lewis, not gay version, although, HP does like Tim Gunn......Hummmmmmmm....Just kidding! He's not a scared of vagina's! But he is crazy like Jeff Lewis. I'm like Jenny. I can't rap though.

I have not watched the Olympics. Does that make me um-American? I did watch the opening ceremony! It was rad!! That counts for something, right?

Do you think that persons with the last name "Hitler" change their names, or want to? I would!

Ohhhhh, I got a Cricut machine! I've been scrap booking like a maniac!! I used to be in a scrapbook group and we were called "The Crop Circles". I miss those girls! We ate alotta M&M's.

I used to have a boyfriend in high school named Jimmy. He always bought me M&M's cuz he new I liked them. I like a boy that pays attention! He also took me to the "big city" to see the greaest movie ever, "Sixteen Candles"! On my 16th birthday he took me to the elementary school and kissed my on the playground. How freakin sweet is that?! His ex-girl friend shot his truck because he broke up with her, or because he was dating me, I'm not sure which. He married her. I hope they are doing ok. No really, I do!

In case you were wondering......always plain, not peanut.