Love of my life! My horror life, that is.

I'd like to take a moment and introduce you to a great love of mine. Once upon a time, before I got knocked up in high school, after I went to England and became a Punk Rocker and hung out at Picadilly Circus, and after I became a Solid Gold Dancer and made-out with Andy Gibb, I was going to marry this beautiful man.

He had everything! Tall, dark and handsome, as charming as a prince, smart as..........well, something very smart, and funny as all-get-out!! Oh how I loved this man! Let's face it, I still do.

Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Joe Bob Briggs!